The single most important lesson this School Holidays
Yay it’s school holidays! Oh wait, it’s SCHOOL HOLIDAYS…
The winter break may also signal a break from lunch boxes and school drop offs, but the mental load never takes a break, and often school holidays mean more work for parents working in and out of the home.
Whilst it can provide a much-needed opportunity to go slow and enjoy some quality time together, a break from the 9-3 can also mean higher demands on parents. How do you get things done – zoom calls, life admin, mental health without tech bingeing or financially prohibitive child care?
We exam how balancing your own life around the holidays can provide an excellent (guilt free) learning experience for your kids as well. How? By teaching them to wait…
Giving them the finger
Freelance writer Randi Mazzella recalls giving her son “the finger” during a work call. Hold on, it’s not what you think… Radni was in her home office when her son came home, excited to share a story about his day. Slamming the door, he rushed upstairs shouting, Mum, you’re never going to believe…”.
“He was excited to share a story about his day and I was eager to hear it. But as he got closer, he saw I was giving him “the finger.” It’s not the first time I’ve made that particular hand gesture toward him. He understood immediately. He stopped talking and quietly headed back downstairs to the kitchen.”
The parents reading this have probably already clued into which finger was given. Not the infamous middle finger, rather the stiff pointer finger – that universal sign to “wait a minute!!!”.
Randi explains that during her years as a freelance writer she has learned that sometimes family life has to work in around her work schedule, and rather than feel guilty, she has realised that not being able to put her kids needs first all the time is actually a valuable learning experience.
Learning to Wait
In a quick-fix generation where answers are available within seconds, meals delivered in minutes and TV series dropped in binges, it is more important than ever to teach children the ‘art’ of waiting. It is especially vital as both parents look to carve out their own identifies, not just as ‘professionals’ but as people in their own right with jobs, hobbies and needs.
Lesson: They understand you’re more than just ‘mum’
No matter how much you adore your family, you were an individual before becoming a parent, and you remain one now (despite the time demands). A parent chasing their own goals and pursuing their passions and talents provides a better example for their children than a resentful and unfulfilled one. Children will absorb what you do (not what you say), which makes it particularly important for mothers raising daughters, ‘to be anything they want’, to lead by example.
Chari Twitty-Hawkins, a self-care coach for mothers, says, “When they see their mom working on something for herself, it gives them a living example that they can and should do the same too. It shows them that their mum is more than their mother.”
Twitty-Hawkins explains that mothers who cater to their children while neglecting their own needs can be confusing, “However, when they see their moms work on themselves and do things they enjoy, they learn their mother is a person with her own unique passions, hobbies, and purpose for life.”
“It isn’t moms saying ‘me first’ to partners or children, it’s about ‘me too.’ Your wants, needs, and goals are as important as everyone else’s.” – Randi Mazella
Lesson: They can take pride in their independence
Last year, my almost high-school aged son had yet again asked to go for a walk to the shops when he saw my doubtful and concerned expression. “Mum, how do you expect me to earn your trust when you don’t GIVE me any trust”. Ouch, he had a point.
Teaching kids the rewards as well as responsibility that comes with independence is a vital life skill. Whether it is the first time they pour a bowl of cereal instead of waiting for you to come out of the shower to cook breakfast, children relish in the opportunity to take initiative.
Supermodel Gisele Bundchen recently recounted on the Rich Roll Podcast that despite previously having private chefs and house keepers, she was concerned her children wouldn’t be able to fend for themselves when they moved out of home. Having left home herself at 14 to live internationally as a model, she realised she was, instead, depriving them of a vital life skill.
It may take a little longer, and it may be a little messier to begin with, but taking the opportunity to reward your children with independence will have a long-term pay off for both of you.
Lesson: Build relationships (with themselves - and others)
Your children can be the centre of your world without being the entirety of your universe. So long as they are secure in knowing you will drop everything in an emergency for them, or that you will be there at the end of the day, it is OK if they know you won’t drop everything as soon as they want.
By understanding that they sometimes need to wait, children will develop patience as well as empathy and cooperative skills, vital for social progression.
School Holidays also provide a great opportunity for children to spend time with friends and relatives. Although you may feel as if you are burdening people, as parents we sometime forget how pleasurable it is for others to spend time with your kids. So if someone offers – say yes!
So, embrace the school holidays as a time for teaching valuable life lessons. Your children will not only survive but thrive, learning patience, independence, and the importance of balance. And you? You might just find a moment to breathe.