Future You Hates You: The “Yes!…..Damn” Effect

Future You Hates You

We’ve all done it. Cheerfully agreed to something, only to instantly regret it ("Of course, I’ll help you move!"). Or convinced ourselves that next month’s schedule will be calmer ("I’ll take that on—things should be quieter then!"). But as it turns out, next-month you is the same as today-you—with the same time constraints, same energy levels, same oh crap, why did I say yes? moment.

We’ve all been there—dreading that networking event, panic-buying a cake you swore you’d bake, scrambling to finish a report you somehow have less time for now than when you agreed to it. Cue regret, stress, and the quiet resentment of Past You.

Welcome to The Yes, Damn Effect—when we impulsively overcommit, only to hate ourselves later.

Why Do We Keep Doing This?

Hal Hershfield, a psychology professor at UCLA, dives into this in his book Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today. He explains that we don’t just say yes because we’re bad at planning—we do it because we imagine a better version of our future selves.

We assume Future Us will be more organized, more energized, more on top of things. The problem? Future Us is just us—the same person, with the same limitations, still not thrilled about that 7 AM coffee meetup or the PTA fundraiser.

So, when reality hits, we’re left thinking: Damn. Why did I say yes to this?

How to Stop Saying Yes to Regret

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers has a brutally simple decision-making framework:

"If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no."

The idea? We say yes to too many things, spreading ourselves so thin that we don’t have time for what actually matters. Instead of defaulting to yes, raise the bar. If an opportunity doesn’t make you think Hell yes! I’m all in!, it’s probably not worth your time.

By saying no to the “good but not great” stuff, you create space for the exceptional.

Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Next time you’re about to agree to something, stop and ask:

✅ If it were happening tomorrow, would I still say yes? (This forces you to confront reality instead of romanticizing Future You.)

✅ If it took twice as long and gave me half the results, would I still do it? (A great filter for anyone prone to shiny-object syndrome and new-opportunity excitement.)

✅ Does my current schedule allow for this? (If you wouldn’t make time for it this week, you’re probably not going to suddenly care in May.)

The “No-Yay” Technique (The Joy of Missing Out)

Saying no can feel uncomfortable—until you realize how good it feels to not do something you didn’t actually want to do.

Behavioral scientist Dilip Soman has a trick for this. When he declines an event (like a conference he doesn’t want to attend), he still puts it in his calendar—but with a note: “Did not agree to do this.”

Later, when he’s relaxing at home instead of dragging himself through a crowded airport, he gets a notification reminding him: I could have been exhausted right now. Instead, I’m chilling.  That moment of contrast reinforces his decision. Saying no feels like a win.

Final Thought: Future You Deserves Better

 It’s 2025. You don’t have time to keep regretting your own choices.

 Instead of making Future You clean up your mess, start protecting your time, energy, and sanity. Say no when you need to. Make room for what actually matters. And if you ever start to waver, just remember: if you’re already thinking Damn... it’s probably not a Yes.